iHave A Bleeding Ear
by Mary Rachel
Summary: Sam thinks Freddie is cute? How on Earth did this nature-defying phenomenon come about? And whose dumb idea was it to let Sam leave the house without a backup emergency FatCake? EDITED AND REUPLOADED!


**So, on reading the iCarly wiki, and seeing the dialogue for iDate Sam&Freddie, I decided to write this silly little one-shot, in honor of iDate Sam&Freddie premiering tonight. I know it's stupid, and not what I usually write, but come on! How can I not write this? Therefore, sit back with a whole box of Oreos, and please enjoy this one-shot I'm writing while I should be doing my homework. Aren't I a fantastic role model!**

**P.S To the fans from the Percy Jackson fandom, I know its been a long time, but my senior year has started, and I am up to my eyeballs in work. I promise that my sequel will come out soon!**

**Noooo, I don't own iCarly. For me to own it would be a travesty, as I am not the comedic genius that Dan Schneider is.**

_**iHave A Bleeding Ear**_

It was a day like any other.

Friday afternoon, Carly, Freddie, and I were walking home from school. Well, Carly and Freddie were walking. I was running ahead, then jogging in place while they caught up, bugging the hobos on the street corners, and stealing the money out of their paper cups.

(Hey, I needed the money! I'd already blown my allowance on beef jerky!)

Carly and Freddie were talking about the Physics test that we took today, anxiously comparing answers, and speculating how badly they were going to fail. I, for one, knew I was going to fail. (Why? I didn't know the answers. Stop asking stupid questions!) Anyway, we'd finally rounded the corner to Bushwell Plaza, when, of course, it started raining. Oh, Seattle...

We made a break for the lobby door, but I slipped a little on the wet pavement. Flailing, I grabbed the nearest handhold I could find, which turned out to be Freddie's shoulder. Unfortunately, he wasn't ready to grab me, and I fell to the ground, Freddie landing on top of me, the blow softened by his blue backpack that he'd had since I'd dumped my breakfast into his old backpack. (Mmmm, turkey bacon...) He groaned, and rolled to the side. Carly hurried over to help me up, but I was already up, so she grabbed Freddie's hand, and helped him up. He turned to me, annoyed.

"Sam!"

I pretended to be innocent. "What?" I said sweetly. Freddie rolled his eyes and turned away. Heh heh. Mama wins! I walked over to the glass doors and tugged on the gilded handle. It didn't budge. I pulled harder, but no dice.

"Hey, the door's locked!" I exclaimed.

Carly looked puzzled. "The door is always unlocked, though. Why would it be-AAAH!" she screamed.

Lewbert had pressed his ugly face against the door, his wart looking bigger than ever. He smiled, which made him look like a deranged criminal, showing off more cavities than I had. I pounded on the door.

"Lewbert, let us in!"

"NOOOOHHHOOOOO! I JUST MOPPED THIS FLOOR AND YOU ROTTEN, SONG SINGING, CAMERA FLAUNTING TEENAGERS WILL NOT TRACK MUD IN! BLEHHH!" he screeched. Freddie pounded the glass.

"C'mon man, let us in! It's raining!"

"NYEHHHHHHH!"

Lewbert stumbled away, rubbing cream on his wart. I fought the urge to puke up blood, and slumped to the ground.

"Uuhhgg, now what do we do?" I whined. Freddie shrugged, pulling up his hoodie to cover his brown hair.

"We could climb up the fire escape-"

"NO!" Carly and me shouted at the same time. Not after what happened last time we were up so high on the building. We'd almost fallen to our deaths from the fourteenth floor! Freddie held his hands up in surrender, and slumped down next to me, pulling out his precious PearPhone, and turning on some music. Carly followed suit.

An hour later, we were still locked outside, and completely bored. Carly was laying on the ground with her feet up against the wall, playing with some pens from her bag. Freddie had fallen asleep, his mouth hanging open, head nodding on his shoulder. Uuugh. I was hungry.

I reached into my pocket for my baggie of beef jerky, and opened it. Closing my eyes, I reached for a piece of dried meaty heaven. My fingers closed on air.

_**What?**_

No. No. NONONONONONO! Mama needs her meat! I felt the immediate symptoms of meat withdrawal coming on. Only one thing could help right now. I snatched up my backpack, and rifled through, looking for my emergency Fat-Cake. Too late, did I realize that I'd eaten it already, after throwing it at Mr. Howard. I started shaking, feeling woozy. Carly looked over, and gasped. Being the good friend she is, she immediately recognized the symptoms of what Freddie calls "Sam Lost Her Ham Syndrome" (SLHHS. It's a rare disease. Look it up.)

"Sam. Sam. Look at me. It'll be alright. Have some gum." Carly said, pressing a whole pack into my hands. Freddie started inching away, trying to avoid the fallout of what was about to happen. I stood up,clutching the pack of gum so tightly that it crushed into a ball. A courier on a bike came down the street towards us, and I drew my arm back to throw. I was ready to fire when a large hand grabbed my wrist, staying my hand. I whirled, grabbed the shoulder connected to the arm, and shoved the owner of the offending hand into the street.

BAM! The messenger hit it face on, sending him spiraling into a ditch, the front wheel of his bike bent. I stood on the curb, breathing hard, my vision red. Carly shrieked and ran over to the fire hydrant, where a blue-hoodied figure was lying prone and moaning.

"SAM!"

Irritated, I shouted "What!"

"Oh, I don't know! How about the fact that FREDDIE IS BLEEDING AND UNCONCIOUS!"

Whoops.

I ran over to the fire hydrant, where, sure enough, Freddie lay with a big lump on his head. There was blood pouring out of his ears, washing down the sidewalk into the sewer. He moaned, and stirred feebly. I almost felt sorry for the weenie.

"See, he's better already." I said offhandly, and started to walk away. Carly grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"Sam, you can't leave him! It's your fault he's all bleedy!"

"So?"

"So, call him an ambulance!"

"Uuggh, fine."

I pulled out my brand-new PearPhone, and dialed the hospital a few blocks away. As it was ringing, I looked back over at the crime scene. Carly had helped Freddie into a sitting position. His mouth hung open a little, and he seemed shell shocked. There was blood on his face. And, strangely, it was...kinda hot. Like a criminal, or an action hero movie star. I felt my cheeks heating up.

_Wait. WHAT?_

Freddie? Hot? In the same sentence? Coming from my mind?

Oh. My. God.

"Seattle Medical Center, please state your emergency"

OHMYGOD! ITHINKTHENUBISHOT! OHMYGODOHMYGOD!

"Uh...this is Sam Puckett..."

"Gotcha. Ambulance on the way."

Yup. Just another ordinary Friday.

Dear god...

**Hope you liked it! I had thought of this about nine minutes before iDate Sam&Freddie, and tried to post it, but my stupid Internet shut down on me. Never get dial-up. It massively sucks.**

**But I loved iDate Sam&Freddie! They are adorable!**

**-Mary Rachel**


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